


Eyebags and Messy Hair

by rosethereal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, It's 3AM, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Friend, M/M, Oikawa Tooru Needs a Hug, Other, Self-Doubt, Self-Hatred, oikawa is sad, this is my first fic please be nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26617057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosethereal/pseuds/rosethereal
Summary: Beneath, his lips were cracked and split and dried with blood from the constant picking and pulling by his teeth. Teeth that Oikawa hadn’t brushed in god knows how long.Or where Oikawa has a weeklong episode of hating himself and Iwaizumi is there to tell him it's okay.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	Eyebags and Messy Hair

**Author's Note:**

> hi !! so this is my first fic and i'm not good at writing (plus it's 3am lol) but it's basically just me putting all my problems onto oikawa oops
> 
> hope u enjoy !!

Sat on the floor of his bedroom, forehead pressed against the full-length mirror that sat in the corner of the room, Oikawa Tooru was breaking. Closed curtains shut out any light provided by the moon, or by the streetlamps, from entering his room, the open laptop on the bed was the only thing allowing Oikawa to be able to see his face being reflected back at him.

With legs crossed and arms left limp in his lap, Oikawa stared into his own eyes shown in the mirror. They moved down slightly, studying the dark bags just underneath, how they carved themselves into his usually perfect skin, giving away the fact that he hadn’t slept more than 7 hours in the past week. He let his eyes travel down to his nose, red from being rubbed raw by the sleeve of his sweater only moments before. Oikawa gave a small sniff.

Beneath, his lips were cracked and split and dried with blood from the constant picking and pulling by his teeth. Teeth that Oikawa hadn’t brushed in god knows how long.

His forehead lifted off of the mirror momentarily to gaze at the usually flawless hair that he always had styled to perfection, no matter how tired or bad he let himself feel. It now stuck out in every direction and was knotted from days and days of ignoring the fact that he should brush it, or even wash it, just for a second.

With a harsh blink, Oikawa refocused his stare onto the lifeless eyes that stared at him straight back as he lowered his forehead back onto the glass in front of him. Light brown eyes that normally held such pride and warmth now only held sorrow and dejection.

Oikawa had never felt so sickening in his life.

He hadn’t left his room in days, other than to use the restroom or get the occasional small snack from the kitchen. He didn’t have to trouble himself worrying about the concern from his parents, being out of town due to circumstances he couldn’t bring himself to care about. He was sure the school had contacted them to tell them about the fact that he had missed nearly the entire last week of school, and that in turn his parents had tried to contact him, but Oikawa had had his phone on silent since the very first text message from Iwaizumi.

Since he saw that first line of text that said something about coach wondering why he had missed practice without letting him know in advance early Monday morning, Oikawa had turned his phone onto silent without a second thought. And after picking it up again a few hours later to see another message from Iwaizumi, Oikawa left it untouched on his bedside table for the next several days, instead opting to use his laptop or just to sleep.

He felt awful about ignoring Iwaizumi, as well as most likely his parents and the rest of the team, but Oikawa was too far into his mindless self-loathing to care about it. No one had come to check on him, so it was clear that they didn’t care.

How could they care, when Oikawa was such an awful person? That is what he reasoned the question with. Staring himself down in the mirror, tears gathering in his eyes once again, he told himself that he was disgusting. That he was too cocky and prideful and unbearable. That he was a horrible friend and son and player, and that nobody loved him because he was such an unlovable person.

Oikawa told himself that he would never have felt this bad if he had just been a bit better. If only he hadn’t poked fun at his teammates and instead chosen to keep quiet, or if he had offered to help wash the dishes with his parents instead of grumbling about it, then maybe Oikawa would have felt better

Instead he replayed every moment he could think of where he had been a terrible person to the people he loved in his mind. He glared angrily at himself in the mirror, brows furrowed, and eyes scrunched unattractively in resentment.

God, how Oikawa hated himself in that moment.

He could feel his stomach sink as his nose burned with the feeling to cry once again. He lifted his forehead off of the mirror before quickly dropping it back down with a thump, a sob wrenching its way out of his throat. He quickly brought his hands up to clasp around his mouth to try and drown out the now constant sounds of pain escaping. Oikawa began to shake, hunching over himself as his head dragged down the glass and his legs rose up to shield him. He let the tears run down his cheeks and onto his hands, warm and salty as he shook his head as if he were trying to clear the bad thoughts from entering his mind.

Everything hurt, and Oikawa was sick of it. He was sick of the way his eyes and nose hurt from the constant rubbing by the end of his sweater, how the corners of his mouth hurt from when he had opened it wide to let out a silent scream, how his scalp hurt from the continuous hair pulling and how his brain hurt from the headache that hadn’t left him for days. He was so sick of everything.

His chest tightened as his cries wracked through his body harder and harder with each sharp breath he tried to take. Taking his hands away from his mouth quickly in order to try and regain more oxygen, he brought them to the fabric just over his heart and twisted his fingers into it.

He tried to slow his breaths down to calm himself, and after a few minutes that had felt like an hour, his breathing returned somewhat to normal, but the tears still leaked from his eyes.

Exhausted once again, Oikawa dropped his head and allowed his body to follow, falling onto his side as he curled in on himself. Legs pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around as his chin rested against his chest, Oikawa laid on the cold floor of his room.

Oikawa didn’t know how long he stayed in that position for, but the ache in his neck and back and the feeling of now dried tears on his face told him it had been a while.

The hazy sound of the doorbell ringing brought Oikawa to sit up, rubbing at his eyes harshly as he twisted his body around to face his bedroom door. Glancing at himself in the mirror quickly, he grimaced at the disheveled face that stared back at him. Eyes red rimmed and cheeks blotchy, Oikawa dragged his hands down his face slowly before standing up.

He didn’t want to answer the door, knowing it was probably his parents coming back from wherever they had gone away to. He knew they had a key to get inside, and if he hid in the blankets on his bed and pretended to be asleep, they could let themselves in without seeing Oikawa’s appearance. But before he could take another step towards his bed, the doorbell rang out one, two, three more times.

Eyebrows scrunched up in annoyance, he turned on his heel towards the bedroom door and flicked on the light, blinding him momentarily, before opening it and making his way down the hallway to the front door. The rest of his house was just as dark as his bedroom had been, so Oikawa opted to quickly turn on the ones in the hallway and kitchen. His parents were acting impatient tonight as he heard the doorbell ring out once more, but Oikawa understood it would probably be easier for him to let them in rather than his mother having to sift through her handbag for the house keys. He stopped just in front of the entrance to his house, running his hand quickly through his hair and putting a false smile, hoping to look a lot better than he felt.

Finally, he unlocked the door and pulled it open, eyes staring off in the opposite direction to avoid looking them in the eye. “Welcome back, I didn’t expect you both so late.”

“Oikawa.”

A gruff voice, that didn’t belong to either of his parents made its way to Oikawa’s ears. Head snapping to look at the entrance, Oikawa saw that it definitely wasn’t them. Instead stood a very irritated looking Iwaizumi Hajime, clothes bundled on his body as the breath he puffed out was visible in the coldness of the night.

Oikawa’s smile fell slightly, confusion clouding over his mind as he tilted his head. He wasn’t expecting Iwaizumi to be here, especially at this time.

He placed another large grin onto his face, lips hurting from where they were cracked. “Iwa-chan, what are you doing here so late when you have school tomorrow?”

“What?” Iwaizumi grumbled, annoyed, pushing past Oikawa to make his way into the house and kicked off his shoes. “It’s Friday, tomorrow’s the weekend.”

Oikawa’s smile faltered again as he softly closed the door until he heard it click. “Oh.”

He let out a small sigh, Oikawa really couldn’t find the energy to deal with this right now. He was exhausted. Turning around to face his friend, he placed his hands on his hips. “Well then what are you doing here unannounced so late?”

“Maybe if you checked your phone once in a while you would know I was coming.”

Oikawa tried his best to keep the fake smile on his face, nodding his head softly as his eyes shifted to the side. “Ah sorry Iwa-chan! I must not have seen your message.”

Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow, a look of astonishment flashing across his face as he crossed him arms over his chest. “Must not have seen the other dozen from the past few days either then.”

Throat tight, a little strained from all the crying he’d done, Oikawa let out a small laugh that definitely was forced. Not trusting himself in that moment, he decided not to respond, instead shaking his head slightly.

Iwaizumi let out a quiet huff. “Are your parents’ home?”

Another small shake of Oikawa’s head told him no.

Without another word, Iwaizumi grabbed Oikawa’s arm and dragged him through the hallway and into his bedroom, with small protests shouted weakly from Oikawa as he trailed behind. Pushing open the door and forcing Oikawa to sit on the bed, Iwaizumi stood in front of him with arms crossed once again, straight to the point as always.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

Oikawa pulled his lips up once again to smile as his eyes made their way to stare at the floor to the right of Iwaizumi’s feet. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Iwaizumi glared harder, scoffing. “Bullshit Oikawa, you missed the entire week of school and ignored me and the team completely. I texted you to say that I was going to give you space if you needed it but if you didn't answer me by the end of the week, I was coming over.”

Oikawa gave a small shrug. “Wasn’t feeling well, I think I was sick.”

“Well you definitely look awful.”

He let a small laugh out. “Mean, Iwa-chan.”

A sigh left the boy stood before him. “Oikawa, look up at me.”

Oikawa kept silent, shaking his head, sad smile turning into more of a grimace. He didn’t know if he could keep it together if he saw what he was sure would be disappointment in Iwaizumi’s eyes.

“Oikawa.”

“I’m fine Iwa-chan.”

“You’re a really terrible liar.” Iwaizumi exhaled as he dropped his body down so he was squatting, now eye level with the brown-haired boy in front of him.

Oikawa quickly darted his eyes away again, placing another small grin on his face as his nose started to sting once more. “Iwa, really, I’m fine.”

Iwaizumi wasn’t taking it anymore. He reached forward and placed his hands on either side of Oikawa’s head, forcing him to look into his eyes. Oikawa couldn’t bring himself to have the energy to look away.

And Iwaizumi saw the redness of his eyes and the dark bags that Oikawa had studied in the mirror intensely hours earlier.

The anger slipped off his face as concern overtook it. “Oikawa.”

Shut up, shut up, shut up. Oikawa’s brain pleaded the words as he felt the drop in his stomach return and the water in his eyes build up. He shook his head more violently then he had before, begging Iwaizumi to stop talking.

“What’s wrong?”

And with those words, asked with such sincerity, Oikawa’s body crumbled and he fell until his head was resting on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, his hands clasped together in his lap. Iwaizumi immediately brought his arms up to wrap around his best friends back.

“I’m sorry.” Oikawa gasped, hot tears soaking the fabric of Iwaizumi’s jacket. “I’m so sorry.”

A little panicked, Iwaizumi rubbed his hands softly down the other boys back. “Hey,” he muttered softly. “Why are you apologising? What happened?”

“I’m such a bad friend.” Oikawa’s voice cracked as his mind screamed at him to be quiet. “I’m sorry.”

Iwaizumi scoffed. “Ignoring me for a week doesn’t make you a bad friend, it just made me worried.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, just tell me why you’re upset.”

“Hard to explain,” Oikawa’s voice was muffled as he dug his face deeper into Iwaizumi’s shoulder. “It’s stupid.”

“It’s obviously not stupid if it has you this upset.” Iwaizumi grabbed the other boy shoulders and gently pulled him up into a sitting position. Oikawa refused to meet his eyes, tears still pooling down his face and snot dripping from his nose.

He reached his hand up and began to scrub away at his cheeks, but was stopped by Iwaizumi’s own hand as he pulled it down into his lap. “Idiot, you shouldn’t do that.”

Still holding Oikawa’s hand, he slowly straightened his body and stood up. That caused Oikawa to flicker his eyes at him, scared and questioning.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Iwaizumi gave the hand a squeeze. “We are talking about this, but first I’m going to get you a glass of water and turn the heating on because it is fucking freezing in here.”

Oikawa let out a breath, nodding slowly. Iwaizumi took that as his queue to quickly exit the room to complete his two tasks.

Letting his head fall into his now empty hands, Oikawa let out a shuddering gasp. His brain was torn between screaming at Iwaizumi to go away and leave him alone or to come back and actually let him know about how bad he had been feeling the past week. His thoughts finally catching up to him once more now that his room was silent again. Maybe he was being selfish, letting himself pour his emotions out when no one should care.

Perhaps he should ask Iwaizumi to leave, or tell him that he was tired and just wanted to sleep.

But when Iwaizumi re-entered his bedroom with a glass of water in one hand and an extra blanket from the couch in the living room in the other, Oikawa let himself believe that maybe Iwaizumi cared enough to listen.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading !! let me know what i can do to improve (:


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